Focus on Yourself: Narcissism Guaranteed

Have you ever received the notoriously bad advice “just focus on yourself?”

If you have, you’re not alone. People commonly mistake solely focusing on yourself as the path to self-awareness. While introspection and self-reflection are important components of self-awareness, focusing primarily on yourself can lead to a distorted view of reality, hinder personal growth, and foster traits such as narcissism, defensiveness and projection.

Genuine self-awareness involves both understanding one’s inner thoughts, feelings and motivations and being aware of how one is perceived by others and how one’s actions affect those around them. Focusing only on yourself can create an echo chamber where only one’s own thoughts and beliefs are considered, making it difficult to gain a balanced perspective.

Over-introspection can lead to rumination, self-absorption, and even anxiety. One might become overly fixated on their own experiences, feelings, and needs, neglecting the importance of empathy. Self-awareness requires not only understanding oneself but also recognizing one’s impact on others. Understanding yourself in isolation is great, but are you able to understand yourself in relation to others? Developing empathy, active listening skills, and the ability to see things from others’ perspectives are crucial for cultivating an authentic self-awareness.

Let’s talk projection.

Projection is the psychological phenomenon which occurs when someone gets a bit too wrapped up in their own world; where every thought, feeling and flaw revolves around their personal universe. Some people find it difficult to face their own inconvenient imperfections, so they project those charming traits onto everyone else. These people blame their own insecurity and lack of empathy on outside factors, like, the universe conspiring against them. A perfect excuse to dodge self-reflection and keep the spotlight firmly on everyone else’s faults.

The Projection Paradox

The more someone focuses on their own internal world, the less accurately they perceive themselves and their impact on the external world. A self-focused mindset creates a distorted self-perception, leading one to project their own traits and flaws onto others. For instance, someone who is overly critical of themselves might project that criticism onto others, perceiving them as judgmental or harsh.

Self-focused projection acts as a defense mechanism to avoid confronting uncomfortable truths about oneself. Shortcomings are externalized rather than addressed, which prevents genuine self-awareness and growth. It’s a dangerous defense mechanism that can keep someone in a cycle of misinterpreting others and deflecting blame, making real personal development elusive.

While it’s not uncommon to think that focusing on yourself will lead to a greater self-understanding, it often leads to self-absorption. Self-absorbed individuals center their attention on their own desires and struggles, frequently seeking validation or sympathy from others. This kind of narcissistic thinking leads to difficulty in understanding or caring about others’ emotions and perspectives, straining relationships and limiting effective communication.

It seems that there is an endless list of problems that come along with focusing on yourself, more than just the ones I've explained. 10/10 would not recommend. If you do ever receive this type of advice, recognize that the person trying to advise you is most likely caught in a paradox of projection while lacking self-awareness themselves.

You now have a greater understanding of others who think that focusing on themselves is the best way to overcome challenges, which is essentially a step in the right direction towards understanding yourself. Ironically, insights gained from understanding others can deepen self-awareness. The insights you acquire from engaging with and understanding those around you can mirror and illuminate aspects of your own identity, leading to a greater self-understanding and personal growth. By all means, engage in self-care and observe your own thoughts and feelings as they come; but keep in mind, that’s all they are... everything that has the nature to arise will inevitably also pass away. The secret to overcoming life’s challenges is less about focusing on yourself and more about letting go of the idea that unwanted thoughts and feelings are permanent. Embrace the impermanence.